Zaftig
by carolynholm
Dear Puffin,
The vet has reminded me that we need to be vigilant about your diet. Désolé. I know this subject distresses you.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Comment? The kind woman avec le blond hair? Dit-elle cela? She said cette nonsense?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Sadly it’s not nonsense. You are still a bit overweight. Actually she was kind of funny. She called you zaftig.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Zaftig?! Pah. Moi, je suis perfect. Je suis big-boned. Mais jamais overweight. Zaftig, c’est cruel. This pauvre petit cat thought la vet was kind.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
You are not petit. You have cleavage. Actual cleavage on your chest when you sit.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Mais non! Je suis un starving petit chat who does not get enough to eat!!!!!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
You do get enough, sweetie.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
J’ai un plan. Voilà, les weights.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Those are my exercise weights.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Oui. Il faut share les weights avec moi. J’ai un plan for l’exercise.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Exercise is a good thing! But I’m surprised to hear you suggest it. Though I’m not sure how you are going to manage with weights. Do you even know how they are used? They aren’t meant for cats.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Je suis un chat intelligent. Ce n’est pas complicated. Et les weights, they are pink. Moi, I look good in pink.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
To match your nose and the pads of your toes. But you’re not going to be able to use them, honey. You’re a cat. But it’s really good that you want to start exercising.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Oui! Avec l’exercise je serai allowed to eat more!!!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That explains your sudden interest in exercise. It figures. But while the vet wants you to be active, she still wants us to limit your food. That’s why I measure it out every day in a measuring cup.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Je suis sûr c’est le wrong sized cup! Je suis sûr Madame has made un mistake terrible!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
No honey, the measuring cup is the right size. I’m so sorry. I really, really wish I didn’t have to be so strict. It’s not the kind of person I want to be.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Toujours la même chose. Toujours c’est all about Madame.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
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