Carolyn Holm

One Dog, Two Cats
Grand Ideas
InterSpecies Memos

The Long Drive

Dear Alpha Mommy,

This is my suitcase!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It is indeed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

We brought it when we went to Los Angeles! But you never told me what was in it.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It carried your meds, an extra leash, your comb, your toothbrush, and your treats. All the important things!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

My meds?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

The pill you get every afternoon. Your Prozac. To help you feel less anxious. And there was also Dramamine for the drive. Because you get carsick.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

It was a very long drive. The longest drive EVER.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It was indeed, and you did so well! When you first came to me you barfed every time you were in the car. Then you got better, but you still had a hard time when we took any drive that was longer than just around town.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Like when we drove up to the mountains!  I urped in the car. And drooled all over myself. It was all very unpleasant.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No kidding. You were soaking wet by the time we got to the cabin. But you’ve come a long way since then. This was a long drive and you were fine! No urping! No drooling! You seemed very relaxed!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I liked our walks in the Rest Areas.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It felt good to stretch our legs. Six hours is a long time to drive.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

And I liked meeting the hot German Shepherd. But I didn’t care much for the two rude Chihuahuas.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No, I didn’t either. That was an unfortunate incident.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

And I love Los Angeles! I was so surprised to end up at your daughter’s house. My pal Mika is there! And I love to snuggle with your daughter. Mika and I woke her up in the morning with kisses. And we all went on lovely walks. And Mika and I guarded the house when you two went out. It was so exciting when the skunks toddled by!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

We dodged a bullet that time. But all in all it was a nice trip.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But just one thing. Mia says you got me stoned for the drive. What is this Dramamine?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Don’t pay any attention to Mia. The Dramamine is a wonder drug.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

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Bed Dancing

Dear Mommy,

I love it when you and I Bed Dance.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

When we what? I don’t know what you are referring to, honey.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

We just did it yesterday!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

We did?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

We did! It was so much fun!!!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’m glad you had a good time. Maybe you could give me some clues?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Bed dance!!!! You swoosh the sheets. I leap under them! You fold up the comforter, I rummage around in it! It’s all so exciting!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia

Oh! Now I get it. When I change the sheets on the bed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

When you say it, it sounds so boring.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s just making the bed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

No, merely making the bed is not Bed Dancing. When you make the bed every morning you just pull the bedding up and tuck it in. But when you change the sheets it’s magic. You make the sheet float in the air over me, as I leap up to it. Then it drops down and I scoot around under it. It’s so much fun!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You do make it sound magical. And we certainly have a great time doing that together.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

It is magical!!! It’s one of my favorite things to do!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s still just making the bed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

You can call it that. But I call it Bed Dancing.

Love, Mia

 

 

Don’t miss any of these weekly posts! If you want to get every single one delivered to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

 

An Extreme Sport

Cher Madame,

Monsieur has invented le best sport ever!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin

You are doing sports now?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

I am. Avec Monsieur. We do sports together.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s wonderful! I’m so glad you have something to share. Is this a game that involves your blue rubber ball?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Non, c’est un Extreme Sport.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Is it with the feather toy?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

The feather toy, pah! She is for girlie cats like Mia.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Does this involve destruction? Like when you shred a roll of toilet paper?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Non, ça, that is for kittens.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Well, you certainly did your fair share of that when you were a kitten. So I give up. What is this sport?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

It is the chasing of a wild et elusive prey.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

You are chasing prey? Here in the house?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Oui!!! I lunge, I chase, I leap, I pounce!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Ahhhh, wait a minute. This prey, would it be red?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Oui!!! Le Red Dot!!!!!!!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

The laser pointer. I should have guessed. I’m so glad that you and Monsieur have discovered this sport.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Monsieur exerts un control étrange on cette red dot. It comes from his hand and flies around the room!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Just please  don’t knock over any lamps while you fly around the room after it. I don’t want wanton destruction to be the subject of a future blog post.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Don’t miss any of these weekly posts! If you want to get every single one delivered to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

 

The Tattoo

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Mia says I have a tattoo!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You do indeed have one.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Oh my god where is it?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It’s the little turquoise blue line on your lower belly.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Mia says it means I’m wild and hip!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I’m not sure Mia knows what she’s talking about.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Yes she does! She says like wild in a good way. And really hip. You know, cool.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Well, actually it indicates you’ve had a certain kind of surgery.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I did? Surgery??? Why did I have surgery?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I’m so sorry to tell you this, but it was so that you can’t have any more puppies.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I can’t have puppies?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No sweetie.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But I love puppies!!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

 

I know you do, honey.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Wait, you said any more puppies. What do you mean by more?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You don’t remember your puppies?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I had PUPPIES????

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Apparently you did, sweetie. But it was before you were rescued. No one knows what happened to them.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I don’t remember them!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You were young when you had them. Not even a year old. I’m guessing they were taken from you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

That’s so sad!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It is sad. At least you were rescued.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I needed a rescue?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You don’t remember any of this, do you? You were found running around the little town of Lodi, terrified. No collar, no chip. I’m glad someone took you in.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

So my tattoo doesn’t mean I’m wild and hip like Mia says?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No it doesn’t. But that will be our little secret. We’ll let Mia continue to think you are a wild little hipster dog.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

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Sassy

Dear Mia,

Maybe you should stop calling everyone names. I’ve been getting complaints.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m just being sassy. Besides, you call us names. You call us your Poodles.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I do. Sorry. It’s meant lovingly.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But seriously? Poodles? Please. I am NOT a poodle. Even Puffin isn’t a Poodle. Not even Poppy. Well, Poppy is poodle-ish.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s just a tender jest.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

And Puffin calls us names. He calls me The Crazy Spotted One. He calls Poppy The Ditz, and he calls Mika The Hell-hound.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Okay, I think its time everyone started getting along. How hard would that be?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Puffin is not interested in getting along. He attacks me every morning.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

The 4am screaming fights have got to stop. I don’t know how it is you two can sleep inches apart and then suddenly he has to get up and give you The Killer Stare.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

That’s because he gets all agitated and irritable when it is almost dawn.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s about being fed.  The closer it is to breakfast time, the more worked up he becomes. But still, I’d like you to stop the name-calling, sweetie.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I have a name for you.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

What did I just tell you?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

The Goddess.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Good save.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

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The Killer Stare

Dear Puffin,

I read recently that adult cats only vocalize to their kittens and to humans, but not to each other. Is that true?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est vrais. We have no need for that. Moi, I can make Mia jump up et run away just by providing my Killer Stare. Voilà, she is gone, so I get le Best Spot.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Actually we need to talk about that.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

About my Killer Stare? C’est un stare très excellent.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No, we need to talk about your using it on Mia. You complain that she calls you names, but Puffin, she does that because you bully her.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

I do not know of what Madame is referring.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Yes you do. When she is sleeping peacefully, you come along, make your face scary and loom over her. And if she doesn’t move along right away, you attack her.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est le natural order.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No it’s not. And it’s especially annoying when you do that in the middle of the night and wake me up to a screaming fight. Right on top of me.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mia, she is a screamer. C’est unfortunate. Le whole situation, c’est unfortunate. Mais c’est Darwinian. Moi, je suis the strongest. Mia is small and sadly for her, she is female.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s it. I don’t want to hear any more. You are in serious trouble now, buddy.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mais c’est the only thing I do that Madame she is unhappy about. Mia, she does wrong things all the time. She knocks things over. She wakes you up at night. She licks your face even when you beg her to stop. She screams when she is attacked. Moi, my behavior, c’est superior.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Seriously? You eat my houseplants and then barf them all over the house. You chew on things. You chewed a very expensive laptop charger in half. You wait in ambush for Poppy. She’s afraid to walk down the hall. All this on top of bullying sweet little Mia. It’s no wonder she calls you names. Do I need to bring Mika here from LA to keep you in line?

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Everyone is picking on moi.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No we’re not. You are asking for it. You aren’t behaving very nicely.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Je suis désolé. I will try to do better.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s so sweet! I really appreciate that!

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Et now, c’est le dinner-time, oui?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

 

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Be Mine

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Mia says this box is full of treats!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It is, honey, but I’m sorry, it’s not for you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

It’s for Mia?

XOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No, not for either of you. It’s chocolate, and that would make you both very sick. It’s for Alpha Dad.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

You are giving him something to make him sick??????????

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Of course not. It doesn’t make humans sick. For us it’s a special treat.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I didn’t know you gave Alpha Dad special treats!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Of course I do. Especially at Valentines. That’s a time to show people that they are special.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

What are you going to give Mia? Temptations?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Good call! And I’ll have to think of something for Puffin.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Small birds.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No honey. I’ll give him extra kibble. That’s what he wants more than anything in the world.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

What are you going to give the chickens?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

That’s easy. Crickets. And if I can’t find crickets I’ll give them freeze-dried mealworms. The poultry pinnacle of gourmet dining.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But what about me?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dearest Poppy,

You are such a good dog that I’ll give you a hug, and a spoon full of peanut butter!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Another pinnacle!

XOXO Poppy

 

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Light Effects Redux

InterSpecies Memos has been running weekly for two years now! To celebrate this anniversary, Mia wants to share one of her favorite posts from the past, back when Molly was still with us and Poppy had not yet arrived:

 

 

Memo to: Molly, Puffin and Mia

From: Carolyn

Ok which of you clowns knocked over the lamp?

 

Cher Madame,

The lamp she came to life and flew off le table. I was horrified and left the room avec toute vitesse. J’espère you will find le perpetrator.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

The cats were racing around the room again. I knew something bad would happen.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m not sure which lamp you are referring to.

Love, Mia

 

To: Mia

The lamp I’m pretty sure you knocked off the table.

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Oh that lamp. I am not yet finished with it. It is part of an art installation.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

What kind of art installation are you doing with a lamp?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I am working with light. I am thinking I’ll set it up in the corner of a dark room, and people will come in and gasp with wonder. I am heavily influenced by James Turrell.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Have you been getting into my art books again?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Possibly. Will I get in trouble for that?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Possibly. I think we should encourage you to go back to dancing.

Love, Carolyn

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Name-Calling

Cher Madame,

Mia she has been saying bad things to moi.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s probably because you bully her. What has she been saying?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Moi, un sweet petit chat, she calls a Douche Weasel.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Okay, that’s funny but it’s not a very nice thing to say. Perhaps you could try to get along with her? Then she wouldn’t call you names.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Tout le monde calls names. Everyone dans our house calls names. Monsieur himself calls this pauvre cat a name.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Monsieur does? Okay, I’ll bite. What does Monsieur call you?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Bezoon.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Oh, that. Yes he does. It means cat in Arabic. Monsieur and I think the word is a funny one.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

You both think a funny-sounding word is appropriate pour moi?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Oh relax. Where is your sense of humor? It’s just a funny name.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

No one else in the house has a funny name.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s not true.  Mia calls Poppy “Bubblebutt”.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Is it le policy of le house to allow Mia to denigrate the rest of us?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Okay I’ll tell her to stop. We’ll see how that goes.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

We all know that la crazy Mia she will never listen. She does whatever she wants.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Exactly.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

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Terror

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I don’t understand why you play with the Screaming Monster.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It’s just a vacuum cleaner sweetie. It’s not going to hurt you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Are you kidding me????!!!!! It screams like a creature!! But it doesn’t smell like a creature. I think maybe it’s a robot.  A really scary robot!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I’m impressed! That’s very well reasoned out. But seriously, it won’t hurt you. It’s just noisy.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

You dance with it. Which is totally horrifying to watch. And then it comes at me.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Well not at you. I’m just cleaning the room and you happen to be there. I’m sorry it scares you. But honey, this is nothing. For really scary you have to watch the news. Our Screaming Monster is nothing in the big scheme of things. It’s just noise. And I’m always confident you will move out of its way.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I run to another room. Just in time. I just don’t understand why you allow the Screaming Monster in the house at all.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

One big reason is there is dog hair everywhere. How do you suppose that happens?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

It’s my fault???!!!!! I can’t help it!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Don’t worry about it sweetie. The Screaming Monster is here to stay, but I won’t let it hurt you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I think I’ll just go have a lie down and chew on my Nylabone.

XOXO Poppy

 

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)