Carolyn Holm

One Dog, Two Cats
Grand Ideas
InterSpecies Memos

Substitution

Cher Madame,
Il faut dire, the dinner last night was excellent! Madame she has surpassed herself.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I’m so glad you liked it! I wasn’t sure you would.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Moi, I can’t imagine why Madame would not be sure. C’était delicious.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
We had a little problem last night. 
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Un problem? What kind of problem???????
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
It was necessary to make a substitution. Due to an inventory oversight.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Et this oversight was what, exactement?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
We ran out of cat food, and I thought I had more in the supply cupboard but it turned out to be, well, dog food there.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
You gave us DOG FOOD????????
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Sorry. I had no choice. 
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
But, vraiment, dog food? C’est un insult to cats everywhere.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
But you two really tucked into it.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Ouf. We were hungry an hour later.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Nothing’s perfect.
Love, Carolyn

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Stoner

Dear Mommy,


Am I a stoner?


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


Where do you get your ideas? No, you’re not a stoner honey.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


Mia said I am.


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


Mia said! How many times have I told you not to listen to the cats?


Love, Carolyn


Dear Mommy,


She said I do weed. Now I’m worried that I’m doing weed.


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


No you’re not. You have a hemp seed chew now and then.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


She says that’s weed!!!!!


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


No, she’s wrong. Hemp is not the same as cannibis. You are not getting stoned on weed.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


The chews don’t make me stoned?


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


No, of course not. I don’t want to get you stoned! Please stop worrying about it. We’re just trying it to see if it makes you less anxious.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


That sounds like stoned to me.


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


It’s relaxed. Stoned is when you go to a park and take off all your clothes. Eat all the cat food. Kiss strangers. No, wait. That’s just being a dog.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


Now I’m confused.


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


I’m sorry, I was messing with you. No, the hemp chews are just a way to help relieve anxiety.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


I have anxiety?


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


Yes you do. And that’s why I got the hemp chews.


Love, Carolyn



Dear Mommy,


Do they work?


XOXO Poppy



Dear Poppy,


Clearly not if this conversation is any indication.


Love, Carolyn


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Petit



Cher Madame,

Mia says il faut that I make a New Year’s resolution. C’est necessaire?
 
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

You don’t have to, honey. I don’t do that.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

Mia makes remarks about my weight. She is telling me that a diet should be the subject of mon resolution.

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

Well, I hate to say this but she has something there.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

Toujours tout le monde turns against this tiny cat.

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

The world isn’t turning against you. And you are not exactly a tiny cat, sweetie. More like zaftig.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

Toujours le sarcasm.

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

One of these days you won’t fit through the cat door to the furnace room to get to your litterbox. That is going to be a big problem.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

No worries! Mia says cats can fit through any hole their head fits through! My head has remained très dainty!

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

I think you’ve been misinformed. That’s mice. And rats. Not cats.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

This petit tiny cat has been turned against. J’ai peur that Madame will now starve me.

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,

I won’t starve you sweetie. Maybe we’ll just try to modify your diet a bit. You won’t notice a thing! Maybe I’ll take Mia’s suggestion and make that my New Year’s resolution. Someone has to do it. And by the way, you aren’t petit but we love you anyway.

Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,

Toujours le sarcasm.

Regards,
M. Le Poufin

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Partay!

Dear Mommy,
So as I understand it, we need some of these red cups to have a party.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Only if you are having a frat party, honey. Normal people use regular glassware at their parties.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
But red cups are so festive!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Are you planning a party?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Maybe.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That sounds evasive. Now I’m getting worried. What exactly are you up to?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
New Year’s!!!!!!! It’s time to plan the New Year’s party!!!!!!! Time for us to PARTAY!!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Well, okay. Who were you planning to invite?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Invite? NO, no, no, we don’t want to invite anyone. We don’t want anyone to come and mess up our party!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That is an unusual point of view. So, when you say “we”, just who else is planning this with you? And what do you intend to do at this party?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
So many questions! Poppy and Puffin are partying with me. And we’re going to ring in the New Year by running up and down the stairs, and ambushing Poppy from under the bed, and scampering through the kitchen when you aren’t expecting it. We’ll get Poppy all worked up so she’s barking and skidding on the wood floor!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
And you’re sure Poppy and Puffin are on board with this?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Seriously? They LOVE my parties!!!!! We’re going to have a blast!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It does sound like an exciting party, sweetie.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
You can run around too if you like!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I’m looking forward to it. I’m sure it will be the best New Year’s party ever!
Love, Carolyn

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Family!

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

A present!!! It must be time for Christmas Eve! Does this mean I will have to dress up in a ribbon?

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

Oh, just for a bit, sweetie. Okay? Everyone will want to see you all dressed up for the holiday dinner.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Everyone? Who will be coming?

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

Family!

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Do I know them?

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

Of course you do. It’s the usual crowd. Of course there will be my daughter and her dog Mika.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Mika is coming???? I love Mika!!!!! We’re going to have a blast!!!!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

Well hopefully a subdued blast. When you two are full out it’s a bit much.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

And your daughter is coming? I love her!!!!! She cuddles me on her lap. This is fabulous!!!!!! Who else?

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

My sister’s family is just coming for the dinner, but my nephews will stay with us! One of them is the LA nephew who was here at Thanksgiving. We’ll have a full house for a few days!

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I love the LA nephew!!!! He’s another cuddler!!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

See? Family holiday dinners are worth all the dressing up.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

And anyway, Mika and I will slide out of our ribbons in two minutes.

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Dear Poppy,

That you will.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

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The Predator

 

Dear Mommy,

I just found out that I’m very very important!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

That’s wonderful! And I agree. Our household just wouldn’t be the same without you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

You don’t understand. I’m talking about my place in the world.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Well you do have an international following. Everyone loves your music video.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

They should. I’m a rock star. But that’s not what I’m trying to tell you about!!! You aren’t listening to me!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Okay, I’m all ears. Tell me.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

All ears?????? That’s so funny!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It means I’m listening. And I am. Listening.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m a predator!!!!!!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

That’s it? We all know that cats are predators, honey. People who love birds are very concerned about outdoor cats.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But not just that – I’m an Apex Predator!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I guess in this house we’ll let you have the title of Apex Predator. But if you step outside you drop down the list a bit.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Down the list?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

The predator list. I’m sorry to say this, but our local urban predators, the bobcats and coyotes and foxes, would have you for lunch in no time.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Okay, then just around our house. But did you know that apex predators are the most important animals in the ecosystem?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’m so proud of you for knowing that! They are indeed. Those coyotes, foxes, and bobcats keep the garden rodent population under control.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

So since I’m an Apex Predator in our house, you and Dad need to remember to treat me with respect.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

And awe.

Love, Carolyn

 

Note to our readers:If you didn’t click on Mia’s Music Video link above, you’ll want to scroll back up and click it. Consider it a holiday gift from us!

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Pretty Girl

Dear Poppy,

So, aren’t you a pretty girl!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Mia tells me that this dog picture I’m looking at is really me.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You don’t think it is?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

No, I think Mia is pulling my leg. That cat likes to be funny.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

She does have a whimsical sense of humor. But I don’t think she is pulling your leg this time.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

This is not me.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You don’t think you are this pretty girl?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

It is not me!!!!!! It has no smell!!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I’d forgotten how literal dogs are. Okay sweetie, it’s not actually you, it’s your reflection in the mirror.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

A mirror? Who cares what’s in a mirror?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

People like to look at themselves. I guess dogs just don’t have the same kind of self absorption.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

No need for that. We can smell ourselves.

XOXO Poppy

 

 

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Good Behavior

Cher Madame,

That Poppy, she gets treats. Such enormous treats. Toujours. All the time. Ouf.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

You get treats too!

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mais pas toujours. Not all the time like that mutt.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Okay, she does get more of them. To reward her for good behavior.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Moi, I have the good behavior.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

You are a good cat. Well, mostly. But you wouldn’t like her treats anyway. They are pumpkin treats.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Puffin,

I am assuming that the disgusting ACK sound you just made means you do not like the idea of pumpkin treats.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

This mutt, she will eat anything. Ouf. Dogs.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

It’s all a matter of taste. I’m glad she likes them. I’m trying to help her develop better manners. Like not barking at people who walk past the house.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

This petit cat does not bark at the walkers. Mais Madame does not give me un petit treat for that.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Of course you don’t bark, honey. You’re a cat. It’s a different set of circumstances. I also reward her when she comes to me and sits nicely in front of me when I call her.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Ouf. A cat would never do such a thing.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Some might. But I wouldn’t expect that from most cats. I expect different things from dogs. So I am  encouraging her to walk nicely with me even when we pass the rude pug’s house. She gets a treat if she refrains from going berserk in response to his insane challenge.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

He is that rude?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

He is indeed. And she gets crazy in response.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Moi, I don’t do any of those bad behaviors. And yet still I do not receive the special treats from Madame.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Dogs have a good union.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

 

Messages

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I found your dark glasses!!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Thanks for locating them! You’re the best. I’ve been looking everywhere.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But why are you laughing?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

We laugh because we think it’s funny when you hold your foot up like that. We like to say you are “receiving messages”.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Receiving messages? How?????? Am I doing it wrong?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It’s a joke honey. You aren’t doing anything wrong.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

A joke? I don’t get it.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

The foot in the air. You know, like an antenna. Sorry. I guess the joke isn’t as funny when I explain it.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I get my messages with my nose!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I know you do. I wish I could see into your mind to know what those messages are.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

They are all kinds of messages!!!!!!! Like on our walk yesterday, on the bush with the blue flowers, the message was that the two Corgi’s were there three days ago. One of them, the rude one, ate cat poop for breakfast.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Ew. Dogs. But I’m impressed with your nose – it’s so specific!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Thank you. I also know about Richard’s dog Spencer. Spencer has had a change of diet. It’s now some kind of salmon combination. And he was in a hurry this morning.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You can tell that from his scent? That’s amazing!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Because he wasn’t as thorough as he usually is. It was just a drop.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Okay, that makes sense.

Love Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But I’m worried about Cody. His scent hasn’t shown up on our walks for days. I hope he’s okay.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Your nose is correct again. I think his people have been out of town for Thanksgiving. I haven’t seen their car for a while. They probably boarded Cody.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

That’s a relief. You would be really upset if anything happened to Cody. You have a crush on him.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

You’re right, I do. So does the entire neighborhood. That gorgeous Malamute is the George Clooney of the Dog World.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

You said your fantasy is to spoon with Cody. I’m not sure what that means.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It’s kind of like a really big hug. I said that because he’s so furry and sweet. Like a huge teddy bear. But I hope you aren’t telling anyone that I said that. It’s not very dignified.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I won’t. That kind of message is hard to convey with scent.

XOXO Poppy

 

 

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

 

The Table

Dear Mommy,

You yelled at me.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Is this regarding the little kerfluffle we had last night?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Yes!!!!! I was just sitting there and you yelled at me.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I did indeed. To get off the dining table.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But it isn’t a dining table.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Of course it is, sweetie. It has always been our dining table.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But the three of us have dinner every night at the little table in the kitchen.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

We have two dining tables. There’s the everyday kitchen dining table and the dining room dining table.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

That’s not a table in the dining room. It’s a desk. It’s covered with interesting piles of papers and photographs.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Okay, I see your point. I’ve been using the dining room to sort out old photographs. But at any time I can clear them away to serve dinner. So it is indeed a dining table.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

That doesn’t seem fair. I wanted to look at the pictures. There are photos of me there! When I was a kitten!!!!!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Weren’t you adorable? There are pictures there of all three of you. And of my daughter. And family and friends. And old family pictures. Piles of pictures. We must have a million of them. Way too many! Time to scan the best and get rid of the rest. But I’m sorry, you are not allowed to get up on the table to look at them.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Why not? Other people let their cats walk on the table.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Every household has its own rules. Ours is No Walking on the Table. And not just for cats. Have you ever seen me walk on our table? No, you haven’t. That’s because in our family that’s the rule: no walking on the dining table.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Then I don’t think you should turn it into a desk.

Love, Mia

 

 

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