Carolyn Holm

One Dog, Two Cats
Grand Ideas
InterSpecies Memos

Human Beans

Dear Mommy,
Dad said this is a good book. It’s all about your people.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
About my people?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Your people. Sapiens. Human Beans.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Ahhh, you mean my people humans as opposed to your people dogs. Well, it is indeed a good book. Are you reading it?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’m trying. I thought I should. To find out what your people are up to. And it’s kinda bad news.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I guess we don’t come off too well.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Not too well! Your people have killed off entire species everywhere you go. Even back in the stone age.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m sorry. You’ve really gone to a dark place today. I don’t know what to say. Except that many of us try to be good.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
You’re good. But some of your people hurt dogs.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m sad that you were so badly abused when you were young. But you are safe now. Maybe you should stop reading this book, and we’ll go for a nice walk.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Ok but that won’t change what your people have done.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’ll bring the treats.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I love going for a walk with treats!!!!!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

Fake News

Dear Mommy,
I read the newspaper every day now!!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I’m so proud of you! It’s very important to be informed.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’ll know all about how to vote when it’s time.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I love your enthusiasm, sweetie, but I’m sorry, cats can’t vote.
Love, Carolyn 

Dear Mommy,
That’s voter suppression!!!!! I don’t know why I shouldn’t be allowed to vote. I know everything that is going on.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That’s commendable! I’m proud of you.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Like the boys playing the loud music and their parents hate it.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I don’t know that news item.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Or the little kid that farts and his big sister can’t stand him.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
This was in the news?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And the sarcastic cat that likes pizza. That’s in the news all the time.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Wait. You mean Garfield? You are talking about the comics.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’m talking about the newspaper. I read all the news.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
You’re reading the comics, honey. That’s not real news.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
It’s Fake News!!!!!!!!! I’ve been reading fake news!!!!! That’s so exciting!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s everywhere.
Love, Carolyn

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

The Spot

Dear Puffin,
There’s something I hope you can explain to me.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
I am at your service. What does Madame need to know?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Well, every morning you carry on, yelling at us to wake up and feed you. So some mornings I get up first, and I feed you. And some mornings Monsieur is first, and he feeds you. And then there is relative calm.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Oui. And this is a question?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
My question is, when Monsieur has fed you, and I am still snoozing, why do you come wake me?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Because it is the morning. C’est the simple explanation. Madame does not understand?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
But you’ve been fed! Why are you still so persistent? It’s annoying.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
It is le time. Le time for Madame to vacate her bed. It’s very simple, n’est pas?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Why can’t you just let me sleep a little later?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Because the bed she must be made up. When Madame vacates the bed, she immediately makes it up and covers the soft pillows with the snugly white fur cover.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
The cover is so that you don’t sleep directly on my pillows. I know where your feet have been.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours les insults. My tiny feet are clean. I come to your bed all clean and ready for the day in the window.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You want your Spot!
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Of course. The soft bed, the snugly fur, and the interesting window right there. How did Madame not understand?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You want me to wake up and get out of bed so you can have your spot. I should have known.
Love, Carolyn

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

Pockets

Dear Poppy,
I can’t help but notice that you still have a crush on Cody.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
He barely looks at me.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s a shame. You show him all your best moves.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
He just lies in the middle of his lawn, smiling.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
He is one very calm Malamute.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
He likes your treats.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Everyone likes my treats.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
They are always in your pocket!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
They are. So I’ll never go hungry.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
You eat our treats???????!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m just pulling your leg. That means kidding. Seriously, relax, I’m not going to do anything to your leg. I’m just kidding. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What’s in your other pocket?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Dollar bills.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
For snacks?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
They’re for the buskers.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
Like the accordion player in front of the post office?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes! Isn’t he wonderful? And for the homeless lady who sits in front of the hardware store.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
The lady who is having trouble with her teeth?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s the one. She’s very sweet.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What’s in the third pocket?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
The most important items to bring along on our walks. The poop bags and the house key! So I can pick up your steamy little treasures, and so we can get back into our house.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I wouldn’t have thought of that!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s why I have the corner office.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I’m so glad you have pockets!
XOXO Poppy

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

The Scary Bunny

Dear Mommy,
I want this little suitcase!!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s perfect for you, isn’t it! Except that you don’t need a suitcase. You don’t go anywhere.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Did this come from the Scary Bunny?
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
The what?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Back when Molly was still alive, she told us that there was a giant Bunny that came around every spring at about this time, bringing candy for kids. In cute little baskets and tins. And hiding eggs. That all sounds very nice but the bunny sounds scary.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s not scary. It’s a nice tradition. Since ancient pagan times people have recognized that rabbits and eggs were all about spring and fertility. When we had chickens, they stopped laying over the winter, and started up again about this time. That made their eggs even more special and a real sign of spring!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Molly was very concerned about this giant rabbit. She didn’t like that tradition at all.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She regarded the whole thing as a security risk. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
A rabbit is a security risk???????
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She didn’t like the idea of a sneaky nighttime invasion by an over-sized mammal. Molly was a terrier. Terriers take security very seriously.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Now I’m worried! Is this giant pagan rabbit going to invade us? 
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Probably not. The bunny just delivers candy to houses with little kids. But if it shows up, Poppy will bark at it. We’ll be fine.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Kidnapped

Cher Madame,
Je suis EXHAUSTED. Today was an outrage.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I know, you are upset.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
This poor innocent petit cat was kidnapped. KIDNAPPED. 
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You weren’t kidnapped, honey.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
I was! I was kidnapped this morning. C’était outrageous.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
That wasn’t kidnapping, Puff honey. Kidnapping is when someone comes along and takes you away against your will… well okay, I guess you could call it kidnapping. It was sort of like kidnapping. But we were just taking you to the vet.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
I was lounging innocently on the bed when Monsieur grabbed me and stuffed me in a box.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
It was a carrier.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
A box. And then the kidnappers drove me in the nasty car. To the place where people poke cats. C’est humiliating.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I know it was. I’m sorry. But there was no way around the poke. They needed to take your temperature. 
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
You et Monsieur were in collusion avec the kidnappers.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Okay we were the kidnappers. It was just for your annual vet visit. You won’t have to go again until next year!
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
This pauvre petit cat can never trust Madame et Monsieur again.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Calm down. You’ll have forgotten it by dinnertime.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Rainy Day

Dear Poppy,
We really do need to take you outside.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Is it still raining?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Well, yes, sweetie, it is, but it’s not a heavy downpour.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
But it IS still raining.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes, but you REALLY need to go outside. This morning you just stood in the doorway and refused to go out. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Of course I did. I don’t like the rain. And I don’t poop in the rain. Or pee. In the rain.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
You must be ready to burst.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I can hold it. I’m not going out in all that wetness.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
We’ll just go out with your new raincoat on then. Give it a try!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Why are you punishing me?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m not punishing you. I’m concerned about you. You haven’t even stepped outside since last night.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
But I DID step outside this morning! It was raining so I stepped right back in.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I stand corrected. But we’re going out now. We’re going to walk down the street together, and stop looking so sad in that raincoat. It’s not the end of the world. You need to poop and pee and that’s all that’s going to be said about it.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I’ll walk in that dreadful coat but you can’t make me poop and pee. I don’t do that in the rain.
XOXO Poppy

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

In Charge

Dear Mommy,
When you said “My cat would make a better President”, which of us did you mean?
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Oh, of course I meant you. Puffin would be a terrible president. He’s a bit of a bully.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
So you think I’d be a good President?
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Oh dear, well, that was just an expression. One of those things one says without meaning anything.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
But sometimes when you are going out, you put me in charge!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Oh that. Yes I do. And you do a very good job of it, too.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And sometimes you say, “While we’re out, Poppy, you’re in charge.”
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
True, sometimes it’s Poppy.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And once in a while you put Puffin in charge.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Not very often, though. I never put Puffin in charge if I’m going to be out for more than an hour or two.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Puffin is a jerk.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Yes, but he’s our jerk, isn’t he? We love him anyway.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Teeth and Claws

Cher Madame,
Il faut dire, Madame is very loud today.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Because you chewed through another phone charger cord dammit.
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Why this makes Madame irritable is a curious thing.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Puffin,
Of COURSE I’m irritable. You chewed right through it. Who DOES that?
Carolyn 

Cher Madame,
Does Madame ask a rhetorical question?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Puppies chew things. You’re not a puppy. You are not even a kitten. You are an adult cat.
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Il faut dire Madame she states the obvious.
Regards, M. Le Poufin 

Dear Puffin,
My point is, chewing a charger cord is not an adult cat activity. And it’s very annoying. Why do you have to chew everything you come across?
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Le cord suddenly appears in the mouth. C’est completely mystérieux. So the teeth, they find they must thoughtfully chew on it.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Thoughtfully? Seriously?
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
This petit cat is always serious.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
By the way, there is also my bedroom curtain. You clawed a hole in it! Who does THAT?
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Ahhh, le bedroom curtain. The finch was in the bush outside and it was necessary to reach out to it. The curtain she jumped in the way. C’était un petit snag. Madame is making too much noise about it.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Puffin,
A small snag? It’s two inches across! Your teeth and claws do a lot of damage. There’s also there’s my poor Peace Lily. You chewed on the tips of the leaves and made them raggedy. It looks terrible! Not to mention it is toxic. Actually eat that stuff and I’ll have to rush you to the vet. God knows what they will do to you there.
Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Biting the lily leaf was un experiment très unpleasant. The taste, it is ghaack. Not the nice little snack, the amuse-bouche, that had been anticipated. Madame needn’t worry about this petit cat becoming poisoned. There is no need to make threats of the vet to add to the general unpleasantness. That petit experiment will not repeat.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

The Schedule

Dear Poppy,
I don’t know how you do it. You always know what time it is.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I DO??????
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Well, not exactly clock time, but you know when it’s time for something on the schedule. You are right on top of it!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
The SCHEDULE?????
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Like when it’s breakfast time! Well, that’s not a good example. We all know when it’s breakfast time. It’s when we wake up hungry, right?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I LOVE breakfast!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
We all do. But you also know when it’s five o’clock and time for all of you to get meds and dinner. Is it because the cats are lobbying so loudly for their meal? 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I know it without the cats. And we all start thinking about it at least an hour before. Just in case you’ll get mixed up and feed us early.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
But you always have some kibble in your dish so you can graze all day. So it doesn’t matter when I refill it.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
But you CHECK it. Before she died Molly told me it was very important to make you check it. So the bowl won’t go empty and we’ll starve. I also need my daily Prozac.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Fair enough. That five o’clock event is very important. But that’s not the only part of the schedule that you are on top of. You also know just when it’s time to go out for our walk. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
It’s my business to know. Sometimes you get busy and it looks like you are going to forget, so I remind you.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
And you do it very nicely. I appreciate the reminder when I’m late. But I wish I knew how all of you know what time it is. It’s like you are wearing a watch!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Am I supposed to know how we do it???????? 
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Don’t worry about it. You have a watch somewhere and it’s working.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)