Carolyn Holm

One Dog, Two Cats
Grand Ideas
InterSpecies Memos

The Crush

Dear Mommy,

The new house is so exciting!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’m so glad you like it! I know it’s a bit of an adjustment. You have a great attitude.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I know I do. Not like Puffin.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

No, Puffin has been rather dramatic about the whole thing.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Poppy likes the house. She says this is the Best Neighborhood Ever.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

That’s because she’s got a huge hot crush on the Malamute down the street.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

A Malamute? What is that????? It sounds like a musical instrument.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It does sound like that, doesn’t it? No, he’s an enormous dog. And Poppy’s right, he’s a handsome dude. When we go for our walk down the street he’s often hanging out in his front yard. The first time we saw him, he came up to meet her, and ever since she looks for him, and if he’s there, her knees go weak and she becomes completely goofy.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

What does he think of that?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

He just looks quietly amused while she bows and scoots and whimpers, giddy with excitement.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

It sounds like Poppy is making a spectacle of herself. A cat would never do that.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’ll remember that the next time you give yourself a pedicure and suck on your toes.

Love, Carolyn

 

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The Move

Cher Madame,

My world she is turned up side down. Madame has done a thing très très terrible. C’est un catastrophe.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Let me guess sweetie – this is about the new house?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Oui! C’est un catastrophe!!!!!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I’m so sorry. I know how you feel. Moving is difficult.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

First you took us to a strange place. You left us there. We thought you were never coming back.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I’m sorry, I know that was difficult. I boarded all of you so you wouldn’t be upset by the movers. But it was only for two nights! And the lady there was very kind.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Then you took us to this place that magically has all our house things but it’s not the same house. This is très disorienting. It is our house and it is not our house. What is a little cat to think? Cats do not move. We are completely disarranged.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Mia is taking it well, though. In fact she has been quite cheerful. Clearly she loves exploring the house, and she likes the views from the windows. And Poppy is comfortable with it too. You need to calm yourself, honey.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Toujours this will be a black mark on Madame’s record. And now I would like my dinner to be served.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

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Cat Trouble

It’s our 4 Year Anniversary!

This is the last of our celebration of four years of weekly Interspecies Memos by sharing some old favorites. This one is from September 23, 2016:

Dear Mommy,

I don’t understand cats at all.

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in that.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Right? Cats are confusing! Especially Puffin. I can’t understand half of what he says! It’s all garbled! He makes no sense at all.

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

That’s because he’s garbling French and English.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Why does he do that?????!

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

He’s delusional. He thinks he’s French.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

He’s French????

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No, he thinks he’s French. He’s actually from Los Angeles. He was found wandering around in a South Central gutter when he was a tiny kitten. Poor baby, he was sick and covered with fleas.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

That makes him French?

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Of course not. That makes him lucky to have a good home. But for some reason he thinks he’s French. He’s pretentious but we love him and let him have this delusion. Just ignore him.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Ignore him? He’s scary!!!!! He hides and waits for me to walk down the hall, then he ambushes me! And then he says rude things to me in French.

XOXOXO

Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Seriously? That’s it? That’s all? He says rude things to you in French? This is way too much drama. Do other households have to put up with stuff like this?

Love, Carolyn

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you are missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

 

Due North

It’s our 4 Year Anniversary!

Throughout the month of February we are celebrating four years of weekly Interspecies Memos by sharing some old favorites.This one is from March 7, 2014, with our now departed sweet dog Molly (read more about her here!)

Dearest Molly,

I heard on NPR that dogs face North when they poop. Do you know anything about that?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Ohmygod NO!

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Today on our walk when you pooped you were facing West. Distinctly West.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

I did it wrong? No one told me about this. How am I supposed to know where North is? Am I a failure?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

I wouldn’t call it wrong. You’re not a failure. Maybe you just don’t have the innate sense of direction they’re talking about.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Sounds like failure to me.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Maybe I heard it incorrectly. Or maybe it wasn’t scientific at all. Maybe it was on something like Fresh Air, not, like, on Science Friday.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Is Fresh Air the one with the nice voice? I like her laugh. I’d like to think she was just misinformed about dogs facing North. Do you think it’s possible she was mistaken and I didn’t do it wrong?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

You shouldn’t beat yourself up over this, Sweetie.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Are you kidding? I’m a Terrier. We do things right. We’re Competent. I can’t believe this is happening. Now I have to know all about the points of the compass. This is totally too much pressure. It’s hard enough to find just the right place to poop.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Is that what it’s all about when you do all that turning around just before you poop?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Yes!!! Finding the right place!!! Don’t you understand anything????

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up. It was probably just some musician on Fresh Air talking about God knows what.

Love, Carolyn

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you are missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

Noodled

It’s our 4 Year Anniversary!

Throughout the month of February we are celebrating four years of weekly Interspecies Memos by sharing some old favorites. This one is from March 3, 2014:

Bonjour Madame,

I have un question. Did Madame buy us?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No, you were all rescued. Though Molly and Mia had rescue group fees.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Bonjour Madame,

What did you pay for moi?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

We didn’t get you from a rescue group. You were found wandering in the streets of LA.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Bonjour Madame,

You make it sound, comment dit-on, so sordid.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Well, it sort of was. You had terrible diarrhea.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Bonjour Madame,

So you paid rien? You paid nothing pour moi? C’est très humiliating!

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Well there were a lot of vet bills. There was the matter of the diarrhea.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Bonjour Madame,

Toujours you keep bringing that up. Madame is very rude.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

There was also a surgery expense.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Bonjour Madame,

Ah, yes. The snip snip operation. Je suis noodled.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Neutered.

Sincerely,

Carolyn

 

Madame,

Again your rude emphasis on unpleasantness.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you are missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

 

 

1-Click

It’s our 4 Year Anniversary!

Throughout the month of February we are celebrating four years of weekly Interspecies Memos by sharing some old favorites. This one is from August 26, 2016:

Dear Mia,

I just got a box in the mail from Amazon.com. It is full of cat treats. Do you know anything about this?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Cat treats? Did my Temptations order arrive? That’s so exciting!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You ordered this?

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I did! And it came so fast! I love Amazon!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You are a cat. You are not supposed to be ordering things.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m not? Oh. Well, this is awkward. Have you received the snuggly cat bed yet?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You ordered a snuggly bed???

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Sort of. And a catnip mouse. And some liver treats for Poppy.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Well it’s really nice of you to think of Poppy too, but you have to stop shopping!

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I ordered a Trump hat for Dad.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

A TRUMP HAT? Honey he will never wear that. What were you thinking!

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

And a cat sweatshirt for you.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You’re a cat. You can’t shop.

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m pretty sure I can. It was easy.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

You don’t have any money! Because, well, you’re a cat.

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I didn’t need any money!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I just looked at my account. Okay, I have now deactivated 1-Click ordering. You are banned from amazon, is that understood?

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m pretty sure you are going to like the cat sweatshirt.

Love, Mia

 

 

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

 

OCD

It’s our 4 Year Anniversary!

Throughout the month of February we will celebrate four years of weekly Interspecies Memos by sharing some old favorites. This one is from August 15, 2014, with our now departed sweet dog Molly. (Read about Molly’s extraordinary life here!)

Dearest Molly,

I heard a story on NPR about dogs with OCD.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

OCD?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Why on earth would you bring this up to me?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Oh, I thought of you when I heard it. You and your rituals.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

My rituals?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Like when you tap your bowl with your paw before you take a kibble out to eat it. You do that every single time. For every single kibble.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Everyone does that. It’s part of the process.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

No, Honey, it isn’t, really. I think you’re the only one.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom

I don’t always do it the same way. Sometimes I tap twice. And sometimes I tap the iron dog doorstop next to my bowl. So I don’t think you can say that I’m an OCD dog just because I tap something before I eat a kibble.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Well, I think your ritual pretty much qualifies as OCD.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Are you saying I’m crazy?

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

We don’t have to use that word. I think of you as interesting. You are a very interesting dog. Oh, and there’s also the licking. That’s another interesting ritual. You know, something that seems just a bit overdone.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

Licking is normal. Ummm, like licking your feet, or that delicious squirrel tail.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

Don’t remind me. Ew. But licking the floor as you walk from one room to another is just weird. And licking the bathroom scale over and over – what’s with that?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

That’s not normal? I like to lick things. Everyone does. I’ve been thinking about licking the cats.   I tried it with Mia.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Dearest Molly,

How did that work out?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mom,

She didn’t care for it. And I have to say it was just ok for me. Not as satisfying as the bathroom scale.

Your Best Dog,

Molly

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you may be missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

The One Per Cent

Cher Madame,

The water bowl, she is not filled to the top.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

It’s almost to the top, sweetie. I filled it this morning.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Il faut to keep it completely filled. C’est your job as ma domestique.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Seriously? Your household help?

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

But of course. Mais oui. You have surprise?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I guess I shouldn’t be. You are incorrigible.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

You serve the food, clean the litter box, provide the comfy cushions. Scratch my chin when I demand. C’est très très clear. You are my domestique.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

And what, pray tell, are you?

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

I am le privileged class. I thought you knew.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

We are all in this household together, sweetie.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

But I am, as Madame surely knows, the One Per Cent.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

And the rest of us are…?

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Here to serve me.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you may be missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

Tricks

Dear Mommy,

I want to start earning money.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

That’s ambitious!

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I want to start turning tricks. For money.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Oh my gosh you made me snort coffee out my nose.

Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Why is that so funny?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I don’t think you know what that expression means.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I’m a very athletic cat. I think I would be very good at turning tricks. In fact, I would be good at all kinds of acrobatics. Like flips, and jumping very high. Especially at jumping very high. I’m sure people would pay to see me.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Turning tricks is not about acrobatics, honey.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

It’s not?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s an old slang expression. Something prostitutes do.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Oh. Well. Then I don’t want to.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’m so relieved to hear that.

Love, Carolyn

 

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you may be missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)

Dead Weight

Dear Poppy,

When I ask you to get off the bed, you make things really difficult.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I don’t want to make anything hard for you!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

But you turn into a dead weight. I can hardly move you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

That’s because moving is impossible!!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No it’s not. You can jump up on the bed. So you can jump down off the bed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

I can jump on the bed because I’m all excited! My excitement propels me there!!!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

So why can’t you jump back off?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Because the bed is where I belong. My body won’t move because it belongs right there.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

No, honey, it doesn’t. You can visit on the bed while I’m reading, but when it’s time to sleep you need to go to your comfy bed.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But it’s not with you.

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

It’s next to my bed. You are literally within arm’s reach.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

Why can’t I sleep on your bed?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

I’ve explained this so many times: there is no room for you when it’s time to sleep.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

But the cats are there!

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

That’s why there is no room. And they were around long before you. They have bed seniority.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

So you have to push me off?

XOXO Poppy

 

Dear Poppy,

Well I wish it could be done more easily. Moving a dead weight each time is no fun at all. Not to mention it isn’t very dignified.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Alpha Mommy,

So, clearly it would be better if you let me stay.

XOXO Poppy

 

 

Are you getting a new post every week in your In-Box? If not, you may be missing some of these weekly posts! It’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, we all raise our paws to salute you!)