Carolyn Holm

One Dog, Two Cats
Grand Ideas
InterSpecies Memos

Notifications

Dear Alpha Mom,
It’s a lot of work to keep us all safe. I have to be alert at all times!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes, well I’m glad you brought that up. We really need to talk about the alert level.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
Did I miss something??????? I try to bark at everything!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes you do. That’s the problem.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
There’s a problem?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
There’s been a LOT of barking lately. Especially on warm spring days when the windows are open.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I love when the windows are open!!!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
We all do, but it makes you jumpy.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I can hear everything in the neighborhood!!!!! It’s wonderful.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
No, actually it’s not. Not when you can hear a kid on a bicycle a block away. Honey, you don’t need to notify us about that.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
But it’s nearby!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
No it’s not nearby. It’s a block away. You shouldn’t be barking at things going on a block away. That’s just WAY too many notifications.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What about people passing on the sidewalk in front of the house?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Let them go by, sweetie. You don’t have to challenge people who walk by. For one thing, there are a LOT of walkers in our neighborhood. And many of them are our neighbors. It’s not very polite to holler at them every time they walk by our house.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I’m not hollering! I’m celebrating that people are walking by!!!! I’m letting YOU know!!!!! I’m letting them know!!!!! So that they know I know and that I’m letting you know!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
It’s even worse when they have a dog with them. Then you really go crazy.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
That’s as it should be. I don’t know why you don’t understand how this works.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
And kids on skateboards. You go nuts.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
But listen to them! That’s such a provocative sound!!!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Okay, I’ll give you that. We’ll make an exception for the skateboards. But when a couple of ladies go by with their pooches on a walk, I would appreciate it if you would calmly and quietly let them pass. I really don’t need a notification.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What about the mail guy?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Okay, another exception. Skateboarders and the mail carrier.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
Skateboarders, the mail guy and people with dogs who aren’t nice to me!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
No, honey. That’s enough. Go chew on your rawhide and see if you can relax. And I think I’ll close the windows for a bit.
Love, Carolyn

A note to our readers…
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Toys

Dear Mommy,
We need some new toys!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
You have plenty of toys, sweetie.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Poppy destroyed our catnip mouse.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I’m sorry, that was my fault. I let her into the bedroom while you were playing there.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
She also shredded the magical flying bird toy.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That’s why I usually hang it in the closet when we’re not playing with it. I’m sorry she got her mitts on it. Well, her teeth actually.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
When we play she gets all excited and comes running. Like a crazy animal.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She does. She just wants to play with you.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
She wants to join us, and then she shreds our toys!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She does indeed.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And when Puffin and I run around the house, she runs with us.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That’s a good thing. All of you playing together!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
When we run around the house, it’s not always play. Most of the time it’s Puffin being annoying and chasing me.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
But it sure looks like you enjoy it.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
A little. Sometimes.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
And you give as good as you take – I’ve seen you walk up to Puffin and swat him.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
That’s because he needs to be put in his place. He is a bully.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
He does throw his weight around. So to speak.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
When I’m asleep on a comfy cushion he suddenly appears and looms over me. Giving me The Look. To make me vacate the comfy spot. And I have to give it up to him.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That’s usually when he’s irritable because he’s hungry.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And THAT’s why every once in a while I need to sneak up on him, sniff his ear like I’m being friendly, and then whack him.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I’m glad you do that. And I’m glad you don’t do that to Poppy.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Poppy’s not being a bully. She just gets a little carried away. That’s a dog for you.
Love, Mia

A note to our readers…
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Neglect

Cher Madame,
You went to Paris again WITHOUT MOI. C’est un outrage.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Calm down, sweetie. It was just a stopover. We never even left the Paris airport. We were on our way to Bonn.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
C’est un outrage regardless. Just a stopover? And yet before she left Madame was brushing up on her French. I found this book.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
No I wasn’t brushing up on my French, I was just looking up a word. How did you even know about this book? Is this how you learned the little French you know?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours les insults. Madame has no respect for this petit cat’s French heritage.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
We’ve been through this before, sweetie. You are not from France. When you were a tiny kitten, just a baby, you were rescued in Los Angeles. Picked up from the gritty gutters of South LA. Literally from the gutter. But I admire your delusional tenacity.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
I dismiss les comments of Madame. And meanwhile, while Madame and Monsieur galivanted around Europe, at home, ici, we were sadly neglected.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You were not. Cathie came twice a day to take care of the three of you. She fed you, gave you treats and played with you. She is wonderful.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
But that woman starved us. The food suddenly it stopped. It ran out. C’était un catastrophe.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
And I am truly sorry about that. It was my mistake. I thought there was enough food for the duration of our trip. I felt terrible when Cathie texted me that there was not enough. It was sweet of her to bring some from home for you.
Love Carolyn

Cher Madame,
C’était le wrong food. Wrong wrong wrong.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Yes, she told me you wouldn’t eat it. I don’t know why. Mia was fine with it.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
What does la moron Mia know? This petit cat does not eat le strange food. C’était neglect.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You are such a doofus.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Perhaps this neglect could be offset. Did Madame bring us some French tidbits? Fois gras, peut-être?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
No sweetie, no fois gras. We got some chocolates for Cathie, but that was about it. We were traveling light.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours le neglect.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin

A note to our readers…
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Human Beans

Dear Mommy,
Dad said this is a good book. It’s all about your people.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
About my people?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Your people. Sapiens. Human Beans.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Ahhh, you mean my people humans as opposed to your people dogs. Well, it is indeed a good book. Are you reading it?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’m trying. I thought I should. To find out what your people are up to. And it’s kinda bad news.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I guess we don’t come off too well.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Not too well! Your people have killed off entire species everywhere you go. Even back in the stone age.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m sorry. You’ve really gone to a dark place today. I don’t know what to say. Except that many of us try to be good.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
You’re good. But some of your people hurt dogs.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m sad that you were so badly abused when you were young. But you are safe now. Maybe you should stop reading this book, and we’ll go for a nice walk.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Ok but that won’t change what your people have done.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’ll bring the treats.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I love going for a walk with treats!!!!!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

Fake News

Dear Mommy,
I read the newspaper every day now!!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I’m so proud of you! It’s very important to be informed.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’ll know all about how to vote when it’s time.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I love your enthusiasm, sweetie, but I’m sorry, cats can’t vote.
Love, Carolyn 

Dear Mommy,
That’s voter suppression!!!!! I don’t know why I shouldn’t be allowed to vote. I know everything that is going on.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
That’s commendable! I’m proud of you.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Like the boys playing the loud music and their parents hate it.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
I don’t know that news item.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Or the little kid that farts and his big sister can’t stand him.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
This was in the news?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
And the sarcastic cat that likes pizza. That’s in the news all the time.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Wait. You mean Garfield? You are talking about the comics.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
I’m talking about the newspaper. I read all the news.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
You’re reading the comics, honey. That’s not real news.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
It’s Fake News!!!!!!!!! I’ve been reading fake news!!!!! That’s so exciting!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s everywhere.
Love, Carolyn

A note to our readers…
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The Spot

Dear Puffin,
There’s something I hope you can explain to me.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
I am at your service. What does Madame need to know?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Well, every morning you carry on, yelling at us to wake up and feed you. So some mornings I get up first, and I feed you. And some mornings Monsieur is first, and he feeds you. And then there is relative calm.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Oui. And this is a question?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
My question is, when Monsieur has fed you, and I am still snoozing, why do you come wake me?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Because it is the morning. C’est the simple explanation. Madame does not understand?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
But you’ve been fed! Why are you still so persistent? It’s annoying.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
It is le time. Le time for Madame to vacate her bed. It’s very simple, n’est pas?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Why can’t you just let me sleep a little later?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Because the bed she must be made up. When Madame vacates the bed, she immediately makes it up and covers the soft pillows with the snugly white fur cover.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
The cover is so that you don’t sleep directly on my pillows. I know where your feet have been.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours les insults. My tiny feet are clean. I come to your bed all clean and ready for the day in the window.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You want your Spot!
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Of course. The soft bed, the snugly fur, and the interesting window right there. How did Madame not understand?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You want me to wake up and get out of bed so you can have your spot. I should have known.
Love, Carolyn

A note to our readers…
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Pockets

Dear Poppy,
I can’t help but notice that you still have a crush on Cody.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
He barely looks at me.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s a shame. You show him all your best moves.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
He just lies in the middle of his lawn, smiling.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
He is one very calm Malamute.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
He likes your treats.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Everyone likes my treats.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
They are always in your pocket!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
They are. So I’ll never go hungry.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
You eat our treats???????!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m just pulling your leg. That means kidding. Seriously, relax, I’m not going to do anything to your leg. I’m just kidding. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What’s in your other pocket?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Dollar bills.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
For snacks?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
They’re for the buskers.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
Like the accordion player in front of the post office?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes! Isn’t he wonderful? And for the homeless lady who sits in front of the hardware store.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
The lady who is having trouble with her teeth?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s the one. She’s very sweet.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
What’s in the third pocket?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
The most important items to bring along on our walks. The poop bags and the house key! So I can pick up your steamy little treasures, and so we can get back into our house.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I wouldn’t have thought of that!!!!!
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
That’s why I have the corner office.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mom,
I’m so glad you have pockets!
XOXO Poppy

A note to our readers…
Subscribe and get this every week in your email in-box! The subscription button is at the top of the page, on the right. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.com to find the subscription box at the top right. See you every Friday!

The Scary Bunny

Dear Mommy,
I want this little suitcase!!!!!!!
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s perfect for you, isn’t it! Except that you don’t need a suitcase. You don’t go anywhere.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Did this come from the Scary Bunny?
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
The what?
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Back when Molly was still alive, she told us that there was a giant Bunny that came around every spring at about this time, bringing candy for kids. In cute little baskets and tins. And hiding eggs. That all sounds very nice but the bunny sounds scary.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
It’s not scary. It’s a nice tradition. Since ancient pagan times people have recognized that rabbits and eggs were all about spring and fertility. When we had chickens, they stopped laying over the winter, and started up again about this time. That made their eggs even more special and a real sign of spring!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Molly was very concerned about this giant rabbit. She didn’t like that tradition at all.
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She regarded the whole thing as a security risk. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
A rabbit is a security risk???????
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
She didn’t like the idea of a sneaky nighttime invasion by an over-sized mammal. Molly was a terrier. Terriers take security very seriously.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Mommy,
Now I’m worried! Is this giant pagan rabbit going to invade us? 
Love, Mia

Dear Mia,
Probably not. The bunny just delivers candy to houses with little kids. But if it shows up, Poppy will bark at it. We’ll be fine.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Kidnapped

Cher Madame,
Je suis EXHAUSTED. Today was an outrage.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I know, you are upset.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
This poor innocent petit cat was kidnapped. KIDNAPPED. 
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You weren’t kidnapped, honey.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
I was! I was kidnapped this morning. C’était outrageous.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
That wasn’t kidnapping, Puff honey. Kidnapping is when someone comes along and takes you away against your will… well okay, I guess you could call it kidnapping. It was sort of like kidnapping. But we were just taking you to the vet.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madam,
I was lounging innocently on the bed when Monsieur grabbed me and stuffed me in a box.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
It was a carrier.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
A box. And then the kidnappers drove me in the nasty car. To the place where people poke cats. C’est humiliating.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I know it was. I’m sorry. But there was no way around the poke. They needed to take your temperature. 
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
You et Monsieur were in collusion avec the kidnappers.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Okay we were the kidnappers. It was just for your annual vet visit. You won’t have to go again until next year!
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
This pauvre petit cat can never trust Madame et Monsieur again.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Calm down. You’ll have forgotten it by dinnertime.
Love, Carolyn

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)

Rainy Day

Dear Poppy,
We really do need to take you outside.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Is it still raining?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Well, yes, sweetie, it is, but it’s not a heavy downpour.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
But it IS still raining.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
Yes, but you REALLY need to go outside. This morning you just stood in the doorway and refused to go out. 
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Of course I did. I don’t like the rain. And I don’t poop in the rain. Or pee. In the rain.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
You must be ready to burst.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I can hold it. I’m not going out in all that wetness.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
We’ll just go out with your new raincoat on then. Give it a try!
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
Why are you punishing me?
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I’m not punishing you. I’m concerned about you. You haven’t even stepped outside since last night.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
But I DID step outside this morning! It was raining so I stepped right back in.
XOXO Poppy

Dear Poppy,
I stand corrected. But we’re going out now. We’re going to walk down the street together, and stop looking so sad in that raincoat. It’s not the end of the world. You need to poop and pee and that’s all that’s going to be said about it.
Love, Carolyn

Dear Alpha Mommy,
I’ll walk in that dreadful coat but you can’t make me poop and pee. I don’t do that in the rain.
XOXO Poppy

If you want to get this weekly blog delivered every Friday to your In Box, it’s easy to subscribe: scroll up to the top of the blog page, enter your email address in the subscription box on the right, and click the subscribe button. If you are reading this in an email, go to blog.carolynholm.comto find the subscription box. (And if you’ve already subscribed, multiple paws are raised to salute you!)