Dear Mommy,

I’ve decided to become Vegan.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Do you even know what that means?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Of course I do.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’ll bet you don’t. But if you did you would know that you can’t possibly be vegan. You are a cat. Cats are carnivores.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

I don’t let irrelevant details hold me back when I decide to do something.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

And you also have no idea what carnivore means, do you?

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Possibly.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It means meat eater. Cats require a meat diet. You’d get sick if you ate a plant-based diet.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy

Vegan is plant based?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I knew you didn’t know what it meant.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

The dogs eat vegetables. Molly loves carrots. Poppy is crazy about eggs.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Eggs are not plants, sweetie. And dogs are omnivores. They’ll eat anything.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Molly eats poop.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Dear god, don’t remind me.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Her breath is pretty bad.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

It’s awful.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But she’s still healthy.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Dogs seem to be able to eat just about anything. They’re like raccoons. And rats. And black bears.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

And people.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Yes, and people.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

But not cats.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

No. Not cats. Apparently it’s been determined that the healthiest diet for a cat is simply the daily consumption of small animals. No substitutes.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

And birds?

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

Yes, small animals and birds.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

Then why don’t you give us that diet? We’d love small animals and birds! Puffin talks about that all the time!

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I know he does. As I explained to him, I give you the nutritional equivalent of small animals and birds. In your kibble.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

So now you are saying that substitutions are possible.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

But you can’t substitute a plant-based diet. Not if you’re a cat.

Love, Carolyn

 

Dear Mommy,

That’s not fair. Vegan sounds so much more on trend.

Love, Mia

 

Dear Mia,

I’m sure you’ll find another way to get noticed.

Love, Carolyn

 

A note to our readers…

Molly, Mia, Puffin and Poppy are looking forward to giving you a weekly chuckle! Each week one of them is featured here, and yes, you can get the week’s post conveniently in your email every Friday by scrolling up to the top of this page, entering your email address in the subscription box, and clicking the subscribe button. (If you are reading this in an email, you’ve already subscribed and multiple paws are raised to salute you!)