The Vase
by carolynholm
Cher Madame,
Attention! Regardez ici, c’est un grand mess for Madame to attend to.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Puffin!
You broke my vase!
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Le vase, c’est important? Cette pile of trash?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Puffin,
It’s trash now, but it was lovely! And, by the way, it was French. It was from Limoges. I should think you would respect that. Something that actually came from France. Unlike some folks.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Comme d’habitude Madame casts aspersions. Je suis Français.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
You did not come here from France. You’re a South Central thug. Which might explain how you came to be so destructive. It’s a mystery to me how you ever picked up a few words of French when you were a kitten in LA. I should think you would have picked up some Spanish.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Français, c’est superior. Et je ne suis pas un thug. En tous cas, I cannot comprehend pourquoi Madame is so concerned about cette fragmentary vase.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Not only was it lovely, but my grandmother gave it to my mother, and she gave it to me.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
It sounds to moi like everyone has been giving that thing away.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I am going to ignore that rude remark. So what happened? How on earth did you do this?
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Moi je suis innocent. Peut-être le vase she leaped off the table?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I’m sure it did it all by itself.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
There is no need for le sarcasm. Peut-être c’est le work of Molly. She is unsteady on her feet these days.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Molly didn’t jump up on any table.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
En vérité Monsieur était le guilty homme.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Right, he just clambered up onto the table and knocked over the vase. Puffin, you are the most destructive animal we’ve ever had in this house. I know you broke it.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
You repeat le mot destructive. I heard you la première fois.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
When you were a kitten you destroyed two phone chargers and my laptop charger. You chewed through I don’t know how many shoe laces. And you took out a five-foot tree, bringing the whole planter down on the rug. Dirt everywhere.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Le tree was unstable. That is le fault of le management.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
You didn’t have to climb it. You are a very expensive cat. Speaking of which, I don’t know anyone else who had to run to the emergency vet at 11:00 on a Sunday night because their cat ate a needle and thread.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
C’etait un experiment.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
It was stupid and expensive. They had to do an Endoscopy. You owe me Big Time.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Il faut dire Madame is vraiment worked up about this vase.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I’ll just add it to the list.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Monsieur broke le vase.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Oh my god I just checked with him and he did break it! I’m so sorry for accusing you!
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Maintenant tout le monde can see that Madame is not toujours correct! Next il faut acknowledge that M. Le Poufin is un chat Français.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Don’t push it.
Love, Carolyn
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