Carolyn Holm

Dear Puffin,

I notice my house plants are getting raggedy looking.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est probablement because Madame is not properly caring for les plants.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin

I am taking perfectly good care of them. But someone is chewing on them.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Ah, Le Plant Chewer. Most probablement the crazy dog Poppy.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

First of all, Poppy isn’t crazy. And second, she isn’t chewing on our houseplants. Puff honey, I know you’re the culprit.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est apparent Madame is misinformed.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Knock it off. I saw you chewing the fern.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

En fait, peut-étre une fois. Once or twice.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

More like every day, Puff honey.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mia says we should all be eating a plant-based diet.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I seriously doubt you are planning to live on plants alone.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est ça? When Mia said a plant-based diet je pense que c’est le petit chew between meals.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I can’t believe we’re still rehashing this subject. I thought I explained to her that you two are carnivores.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Les carnivores, they don’t chew on plants?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No. Of course not. I wish you’d leave my plants alone.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Peut-étre there is a juicy steak that Madame could offer as an alternative?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Seriously?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Or peut-étre un fat robin. I regard les robins sur le patio every morning. Such a bird would be une delectable petite breakfast.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Sorry. No birds.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Peut-étre un chicken. Your little bantam hen, she is plump and, bien sur, un juicy morsel.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

I should throw you in the coop with the big hens. They’d probably sit on you and scare the daylights out of you.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Les Poultrys, they don’t scare me.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

They could all gang up and attack you. They’ve killed a rat before.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

It sounds to moi like Madame she wants this to happen.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Not really, sweetie. I’d miss you. And you’ll be glad to know I’ve just filled your bowl with fresh kibble.

Love, Carolyn

 

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