Gift Advice
by carolynholm
Dear Mommy,
I notice you’ve brought a tree into the house again this year. And covered it with trinkets.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I hope you don’t have any plans to tip it over.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
No, of course not. Last year’s situation was an accident. This year I am planning to help you celebrate the holiday season.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I didn’t know you were interested in human holidays.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I’m not. But I thought you could use some gift ideas. You clearly need some help. Your gift ideas are hopelessly lame. No one wants sweaters and scarves.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
A lot of people love sweaters and scarves. And I wouldn’t give them to anyone who didn’t.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
And books. Books can be interesting, but they just take up a lot of space. When I want to read a book I just go find one of yours.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I don’t think you really understand the love we humans have for our possessions.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
It is mystifying. But here’s my suggestion. I think you should give Poppy as a gift to someone who would like to have a dog.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
That’s not going to happen, Sweetie. You need to be patient. We’ll eventually get you two cats in the same room with Poppy and you’ll all get along.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I don’t know how that is going to happen.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I have fantasies of drugging all of you into a stupor and making it happen that way, but I don’t think that is allowable. So it will just take time. One day Poppy will stop lunging and barking at you.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
When pigs fly.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I may be delusional, but I like to think positively.
Love, Carolyn
