Carolyn Holm

Dear Puffin,

I read recently that adult cats only vocalize to their kittens and to humans, but not to each other. Is that true?

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est vrais. We have no need for that. Moi, I can make Mia jump up et run away just by providing my Killer Stare. Voilà, she is gone, so I get le Best Spot.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Actually we need to talk about that.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

About my Killer Stare? C’est un stare très excellent.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No, we need to talk about your using it on Mia. You complain that she calls you names, but Puffin, she does that because you bully her.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

I do not know of what Madame is referring.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Yes you do. When she is sleeping peacefully, you come along, make your face scary and loom over her. And if she doesn’t move along right away, you attack her.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

C’est le natural order.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No it’s not. And it’s especially annoying when you do that in the middle of the night and wake me up to a screaming fight. Right on top of me.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mia, she is a screamer. C’est unfortunate. Le whole situation, c’est unfortunate. Mais c’est Darwinian. Moi, je suis the strongest. Mia is small and sadly for her, she is female.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s it. I don’t want to hear any more. You are in serious trouble now, buddy.

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Mais c’est the only thing I do that Madame she is unhappy about. Mia, she does wrong things all the time. She knocks things over. She wakes you up at night. She licks your face even when you beg her to stop. She screams when she is attacked. Moi, my behavior, c’est superior.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

Seriously? You eat my houseplants and then barf them all over the house. You chew on things. You chewed a very expensive laptop charger in half. You wait in ambush for Poppy. She’s afraid to walk down the hall. All this on top of bullying sweet little Mia. It’s no wonder she calls you names. Do I need to bring Mika here from LA to keep you in line?

Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Everyone is picking on moi.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

No we’re not. You are asking for it. You aren’t behaving very nicely.

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Je suis désolé. I will try to do better.

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

Dear Puffin,

That’s so sweet! I really appreciate that!

Love, Carolyn

 

Cher Madame,

Et now, c’est le dinner-time, oui?

Regards,

M. Le Poufin

 

 

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