Housekeeping
by carolynholm
Dear Puffin,
Why the heck can’t you cats barf your hairballs on the bathroom tile instead of the bedroom carpet? I’m sick and tired of trying to get your stains out of the rug.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Is there un recent hairball event that has upset Madame?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Yes of course there is. You just finished urping up a humungous hairball right in front of the bathroom door. On the carpet. About six inches from the tile floor. Tile, I’d like to point out, that would be much easier to clean than carpet.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Cette hairball you speak of, c’est le hairball of Mia. Moi, I don’t barf les hairballs.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Oh please. I heard you just now. I know it was you. Mia was busy getting in my way on my laptop.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Peut-être c’est Molly who urped le hairball.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Seriously? Molly is confined to a small space downstairs in the kitchen. Her “assisted living” apartment. And even if she got out, these days she can’t climb even one stair, let alone a staircase. But I don’t know why I’m dignifying your reply with this response.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Peut-être c’est le moronic dog Poppy. She makes le grand mess. And she has fluffy hair that she poofs all over le house.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin
Poofs all over the house? Do you mean poop?
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Non. Poof. Poof some hair here. Poof some fur there. Poof into drifts of fluff. Les grandes fluffy puffs. Il faut Madame acknowledges cette beast, c’est le fluff machine.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Poppy is the cleanest creature in this house. By some miracle she never gets dirty. And her shedding is the least of my household problems. You two cats have ruined the carpet, shredded a couple of chair legs and you, Puffin, have destroyed several phone chargers.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Madame et Monsieur make les messes aussi. Ce n’est pas les cats who carry le tea and le coffee upstairs leaving les petits drops sur le carpet.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Don’t try to change the subject. Let’s keep focused on hairballs here.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Et les spiders. Madame does not clean up les spiders. Moi, I assist avec le housekeeping by eating them.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Please don’t eat the spiders! You know I have a catch and release policy on spiders. I’m very firm on that.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Aha, you are making le petit lie here. Madame does not always remove les spiders. Il y a beaucoup des spiders allowed residency by Madame.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That’s true. If they aren’t bothering anyone I have an agreement with them. I won’t remove them and on their part they agree to catch mosquitos and not to drop down on my daughter when she is a guest here relaxing in a bubblebath.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Un agreement, c’est une bonne idée! Je propose un agreement: I will cause les urps only sur le bathroom tile IF Madame feeds this poor petit cat four times a day instead of two. Alors, and les portions, make them double!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I won’t even respond to that.
Carolyn
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