Digestive Trouble
by carolynholm
Dear Mia,
Last night someone was making rude noises. Barfing noises. And I had to clean up a mess this morning. I know it was you, Mia. I wish you’d do this on the tile bathroom floor instead of on my nice Armenian rug.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
You don’t know it was me. It could have been anyone. But maybe I had a digestive disturbance. I think I need some Digestive Biscuits.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Oh please. Besides cats aren’t supposed to eat cookies. I’m sorry I ever let you nibble on one.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
They aren’t cookies. They are for digestion. And they are delicious. They make me crazy thinking about them!
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
They’re tasty, but I’m not sure what they do for digestion. I suspect it’s just a name. It’s a Brit thing. I think it’s odd that you like Digestive Biscuits so much. I thought cats were strictly carnivorous.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
You are so conventional. I am an artist, I eat outside the box.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
You tried to steal them too. I found the package with teeth marks on it. I know they are your teeth marks because Puffin doesn’t eat cookies.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
It could have been Molly.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Seriously? You think an elderly arthritic terrier could have jumped up onto the counter? I don’t think so. And by the way, the counter is strictly off limits and if I catch you there you are in Big Trouble.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
When you leave a package out on the counter you leave me no choice: I must examine it. That’s what cats do. It’s an existential thing.
Love, Mia
A digestive biscuit — The term “digestive” is derived from the belief that they had antacid properties due to the use of sodium bicarbonate when they were first developed. Historically, some producers used diastatic malt extract to “digest” some of the starch that existed in flour prior to baking