Demons
by carolynholm
Cher Madame,
Cette maison, c’est haunted by les spirits méchants. Evil spirits. Dangerous demons. Madame is derelict in her duty to protect us from les spirits méchants.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I can’t imagine what you are going on about. What is it this time?
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Regardez! Cette horrifying tiny femme qui dance!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That’s a hula doll, sweetie. There is nothing demonic about her.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Once again Madame is misinformed. Tout le monde knows les dolls never move. Jamais jamais. Cette demon is a moving doll. C’est wrong. C’est bad juju.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
If you are really worried about her I can put her in a box.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
But she is not alone. Cette house, it has les demons everywhere. Last week le house she made a grand bang and shudder. C’est ça, un grand demon.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That was an earthquake, Puff. They’re scary, but they aren’t demonic. You didn’t need to hide under the bed for four hours. Mia only hid for five minutes.
Love, Carolyn
Madame,
Zut alors, Mia is probably plein des demons herself. But la shaking house, c’est not all. There are les lights that spring on suddenment. One moment la chamber c’est dark, et suddenment le lamp is on. Ce n’est pas natural. C’est wrong in every way.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Those are light timers. So the lights can go on when we’re not home. You worry too much.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Et last but not least, les screams dans la kitchen.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That sounds horrifying!
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
It is! It is! Finally, Madame she understands.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Well, no I don’t. What do you mean, screams in the kitchen?
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
The loud noise that goes scream scream scream scream scream and on and on until Madame she rushes into the room to open the oven – et le voilá, to discover le demon!
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Oh you mean the oven timer. It’s harmless honey. There is no demon there.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
We small furry animals are in danger, and comme d’habitude Madame does rien. Nothing. Nothing while la maison is possessed.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Maybe we should be asking if something is possessing you, when you walk around the house meowing, hollering like a loud drunk. What’s that all about?
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Comme d’habitude, Madame changes the subject with a comment that is très rude.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
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