Trick or Treat
by carolynholm
Dear Alpha Mom,
We’ve come to one of those dreadful times again, when your people go nuts.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
My people? You mean humans?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Yes of course I mean humans. Who else gets completely unhinged every year in October? You scared the daylights out of Poppy when you put on that horrifying mask.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
That wasn’t nice of me. I feel really bad about doing that.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
You were laughing.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Well, ok, but I did finally stop laughing, and I apologized to you both. It was just Halloween fun. You don’t care for Halloween, do you?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Don’t care for it? I hate it. We all do. And we have been wondering what on earth you and your people find appealing about it. We just don’t get it. For example, why would you put this giant spider on your front door? I thought you people hated spiders.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
You’re right, it makes no sense.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
And then there are the demon vegetables with grotesque grinning faces. How is this not horrifying to you?
Dearest Molly,
Ahh, you are referring to the Jack O’Lanterns. They are just pumpkins. They don’t actually have faces.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I know a face when I see it. I’m a dog – it’s our business to know faces. How do you think we read your minds? And I’m not just any dog, I’m a Terrier.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I’m sorry, I never meant to question your competence. Or to frighten you.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Also, every year after Halloween these demon vegetables leave the porch and show up in the garden. I don’t know why you are not alarmed by this security breach.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I put them in the garden after Halloween for the squirrels to eat. I had no idea that was one of the things you hated about this holiday.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
And then the worst thing of all. Those dreadful children. Noisy, overexcited, and strangely dressed, swarming up to our house and shouting when we open the door. I don’t know why you don’t find all of this completely terrifying.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly
Don’t worry, Honey, I’ll keep you dogs in the kitchen. It’s quite safe there.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
And what the heck does Trick or Treat even mean?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Not much. Everyone always gives treats. Do you remember when you were young and you went out Trick-or-Treating with us? Dressed as a pumpkin?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
That was an ordeal that you were wise not to repeat.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
