The Landlord
by carolynholm
Dear Mommy,
I want to learn about real estate.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Why would you want to learn about that?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I hear there’s a lot of money to be made in real estate.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Not by a cat, honey.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I’ve been studying up on it. I know all about how it works.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
OK I’ll bite. How does it work?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I send a letter to some renters telling them that I am going to tear down their building. So they have to move out. Then I will triple the rent!
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
That’s a terrible thing to do to people. I’m glad you are not a landlord. But wait, you wouldn’t tear it down after all?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I might.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
And replace an interesting old building with condos. I know your type. It’s a good thing you’re not a landlord.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I’m not?
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
You’d need to own the building in the first place.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
Oh. How do I do that?
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
You can’t. You’re a cat.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
That’s not fair! Well then, I want to own an apartment and turn it into a full time Airbnb.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
I’m sure there are a lot of regulations about that sort of thing. Even if you could buy an apartment in the first place. Which you can’t. Again, because you are a cat.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
There are a lot of rules.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Probably a good thing. I have to say your ideas don’t sound very nice. I don’t think I’d want you for a landlord.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
But I’m a sweet cat!
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
Not if you evict poor people so you can tear down their lovely old buildings. Especially if you want to replace them with sterile condos.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
I thought it sounded fun.
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
It’s people’s homes you’d be getting rid of! Their homes and the nice old buildings that make an area interesting. And then they probably would have to move a long, long way away just to find a place they can afford. It’s crazy.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
You mean it’s not just a game?
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
No, it’s not.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Mommy,
So I can’t become a big landlord?
Love, Mia
Dear Mia,
God no.
Love, Carolyn
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