The Diet
by carolynholm
Madame,
Il faut dire, Thanksgiving, c’etait un holiday cruel. Yesterday was an abomination.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I’m surprised! I would have thought you’d be all in favor of a holiday that revolves around food.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Oui, food. Yesterday tout le monde talked of rien but food all day long. Food food food. Ce n’est pas fair. None of this grande feast was for pauvre Monsieur Le Poufin. Who is a starving petit cat.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Well, maybe not so petit. But I’m sorry we made your mouth water. But that’s what Thanksgiving is all about. People like to say it’s about giving thanks, but food is the big topic of conversation.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Je suis heartened to hear Madame talking about les choses important. Les pies et poultry et le stuffing. Mais, qu’est-ce que c’est, le stuffing? What does Madame refer to, Le Stuffing Wars?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Stuffing is a dish that American humans like to serve at Thanksgiving. Every family has their own version and people get quite passionate about their recipe’s representation at this family event. So we make a lot of jokes about it.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Food, ce n’est pas something to make les jokes of. Food, c’est serious.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I know that food is dear to your heart. I’m sorry to make light of it. I do wish you needn’t be on such a strict diet.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Then Arrêtez!!! Take away le cruel instrument de torture, le scale! Stop le diet! C’et un cruel treatment of this pauvre chat. Twice a day, un très petit cup de la kibble – c’est un crime. Toujours I have faim. I have hunger all day long.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Believe me, I wish I didn’t have to be so strict, because you drive me crazy when you want to be fed. But you’ve gained another pound again, and we need to get you back down to your target weight.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
So many ways that this pauvre chat is tortured. Très très petits measuring cups of kibble. Et le disregard of les cries famished. Et now, le gate. Pourquoi le gate in the laundry room doorway? Madame she forces pauvre M. Le Poufin to leap over it to reach a minuscule dinner sur le counter.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
The gate is to keep Poppy out of the laundry room.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Pourquoi Madame must do this?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Because Poppy figured out that there are hors d’oeuvres in the litter boxes.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Dogs are morons dégoûtants. Le plus disgusting animaux ever. No appreciation de la cuisine. If I were un chien, I would prefer to starve avant eating merde.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Well there we go. Maybe that can be the inspiration for a new diet plan!
Love, Carolyn
Madame,
Always Madame tries lamely to be la drôle comédienne.
M. Le Poufin
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