The Bully
by carolynholm
Cher Madame,
Mia has rudely been name-calling. This “@#%!!@###$!!%%%&#&@*#$@” – qu’est-ce que c’est all about?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
That’s a stand-in for a name that isn’t polite to say. It’s usually written shorter though. I’m guessing, based on her lack of brevity, that Mia is one angry cat.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Aussi, Mia calls moi “The Donald”. C’est who?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
She is referring to Donald Trump. Lately Mia has become very politically involved. For a cat.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Et she says je suis Donald Trump? Pourquois?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Well, her point is that Trump is a bully, and at times so are you. That is apparently why she is so angry. As well she should be.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Comment? Moi? Un bully? En fait, je suis un sweet petit cat. Of what does she complain?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
It’s about the sleeping arrangements. When she’s sleeping on me and you come along and bully her away so you can have her spot. I have to agree with her. That is definitely obnoxious behavior.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
C’est why Madame becomes so irritable? When Madame shouts “Knock It Off!” during the night?
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I shouldn’t have to deal with this kind of thing.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Madame she interferes. C’est between Mia et moi. Our petit disagreements don’t concern Madame.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Are you kidding? Petit disagreements? An abrupt wake-up from a sound sleep to scrambles and screams? Not my concern? Please. You not only wake me up, but last night I was collateral damage, scratched in the melee. There was copious bleeding.
Carolyn
Cher Madame,
C’est the fault of Mia. Toujours crazy, that one. She is un screamer. Et un scratcher.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
She is very vocal, certainly, but if you would please stop bullying her there wouldn’t be any need for screaming and scrambling during the night. I normally love having you two sleep with me. I just wish you could get along.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Il y a seulement one good spot, et two cats. What can I do? I must have the spot on Madame’s side. Mia must move on. Peut-étre to Madame’s legs.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
I have to say, I’m so used to sleeping with cats on me that I wonder if I should bring a sack of potatoes with me when I travel, just to sleep with. So I can feel like I’m at home. Pinned down by cats.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Toujours le sarcasm.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Maybe you could try not to be such a bully.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Vraiment, I’m not a bully. Je suis forceful. Je suis très tough. Un manly cat.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Actually you wear a lot of pink for a tough guy.
Pink nose, those pink pads. I’m not sure that’s very manly.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Toujours les remarks insensitive.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Also you need to stop ambushing Poppy. She’s afraid to come down the hall because she knows you lie in wait, hiding around the corner.
Love, Carolyn
Cher Madame,
Haha, Poppy, cette dog, she is my bitch.
Regards,
M. Le Poufin
Dear Puffin,
Okay. This conversation is over.
Carolyn
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