Carolyn Holm

Cher Madame,
There is a cat café in Berkeley. I don’t understand why a cat would want to go to a café.
Regards, M. Le Poufin 

Dear Puffin,
That’s a kind of café where people can have coffee and pet cats.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
That sounds like a terrible idea. This café is evidently French, but they spelled “cat” incorrectly.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
They did?
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
As you yourself know, in French, cat is chat. But they spelled it “chaat.”
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Chaat is an entirely different word, sweetie. They aren’t trying to say cat. They are talking about food. Chaat is an Indian snack. The Chaat Café is an Indian café. I don’t think you are a chaat. I hope not anyway.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
One does hope I am not a small food item.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You wouldn’t be a small one. More likely a hefty snack. Monsieur and I have had our eyes on those delicious-looking plump thighs of yours for a while now.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours les insults. Always about the weight.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I’m just kidding, sweetie. Don’t take it seriously.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
It’s still not a very nice thing to say.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You’re right. I was out of line. No more snack jokes.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
And it’s not just you and Monsieur. There was your friend, the lady who exclaimed “Ooooo, he’s lookin’ like a snack!”
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
That was a little different. It was because she thought you were adorable. That pink nose. Those pink paw pads. The cute white spots on your heels. Your killer green eyes.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
So adorable she wanted to eat me?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
She didn’t want to eat you. She was being funny. Hilarious in fact. The slang use of the word snack doesn’t usually apply to an overweight cat.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
To what does it apply?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
To a very attractive person.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Et moi, I am not attractive?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
You are not a person, honey. You are a cat. And a gorgeous, luscious big armload of one at that.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours les insults. Madame keeps bringing up the fat.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
It’s a big part of your mystique.
Love, Carolyn

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