Carolyn Holm

Cher Madame,
Il faut bring up a serious problem. An epicurean crisis.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I suspect I know what this is all about.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Les standards of the kitchen, they are collapsed.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I understand that you are upset. But I can’t give you what you want.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
It is a situation impossible for this petit cat.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
That is just it. In a nutshell. Sadly, you are NOT petit, honey.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
C’est extremely offensive. C’est what people are calling Fat Shaming.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I’m not fat shaming you. I’m just saying you are not petit. By any stretch of the word.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
But this petit cat must eat. And Madame is deliberately doing the starving. C’est torture.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I’m really sorry. I wish I didn’t have to put you on a diet again. But you are up to 15 pounds! You’ve put on a whole pound just in the last year. I’m embarrassed that I wasn’t paying enough attention, but I simply got accustomed to how you look. You should be more like 12 pounds. Maybe 12.5. You really are not at a healthy weight.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Mais this petit cat carries well the weight.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Well, not so well, honey. You are very awkward getting through the cat door into the closet with your litterboxes. Mia just jumps through! For you it is a two-step operation.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Je suis astonished. Has Madame been spying on this petit cat?
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I’m not spying on you, honey. Monsieur has a desk that faces that closet, so he has a good view of the cat door. And of your difficulty getting through it.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Monsieur is a snitch. This will be remembered.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
Monsieur is very sympathetic, Sweetie. He is on a diet himself, so he knows just how difficult that can be. And it’s not just about the cat door. We’ve also noticed some difficulty, a bit of a scramble, when you jump onto the sofa back. We really have to work on your weight. We aren’t enjoying this, honey. It’s a hassle because Mia needs to be fed separately, in the bathroom. And I have to listen to your complaints as soon as the sun is up in the morning. 
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
C’est vraiment an afront to mon spirit of joie de vivre.
Regards, M. Le Poufin

Dear Puffin,
I understand your distress, sweetie. You are deeply wounded. These are dark days. But I don’t think you will waste away.
Love, Carolyn

Cher Madame,
Toujours le sarcasm.
Regards, le petit M. Le Poufin

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