The Human Species
by carolynholm
Dear Alpha Mom,
I have to say I really don’t understand your species.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
You’ve said that before. I’m afraid none of us do. What is it you were wondering about this time?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
About a horrifying item on NPR.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I thought you were too deaf to hear the radio.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Poppy told me about it. She heard a woman on NPR talking with a very excited voice about taking crispy parts of animals and turning them into other animals.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly
That doesn’t sound right. Are you sure this is what Poppy said she heard?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Yes of course I’m sure. I’m a Terrier.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
They were frying animal parts?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
She didn’t go into the crisping method. Frying. Baking. Incinerating animal parts. Crisping them to alter genetic codes.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Oh dear. Poppy heard a story about CRISPR. This is a new scientific technique. They say it’s going to change biology.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
That’s exactly why I’m alarmed. They are going to meddle with everyone’s DNA now. The next thing we know they’ll be changing dogs into cats.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly
No one is going to change dogs into cats, honey. The world needs dogs. Anyway they’re all excited about CRISPR’s potential for life-saving medical advances.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
You watch. Someone is going to edit some DNA and put a cat’s face on a puppy.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I don’t think anyone would dream of doing anything so grotesque.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Humans have a tendency to do horrifying things.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
You are indeed my dyspeptic little dog. For some the glass is half empty. For you it’s generally broken to bits.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I don’t know how you can be so cheerful. You are surprisingly naive. People are talking about altering crispy pig parts so that pigs can provide organs to transplant into humans. There’s grotesque for you. How do you think pigs feel about this? And where do you suppose these crazy scientists are going to draw the line?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Okay I can understand how that would get you a little upset.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
A little? It just adds to the list.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Which list is that?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
The list of things I don’t understand about humans.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Oh, that list. Along with the guns.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Yes the guns. People point them at other people and then shoot. Why is anyone allowed to play with such things?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I really haven’t anything to say in our defense. Humans are sometimes an embarrassment.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Then there’s human excess. Poppy was asking me what $88 million is. It turns out she heard about a house on the market in Silicon Valley for $88 million. Who needs more than a bed in a closet?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I’m glad you’re happy with your bed.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
And your politics. I understand the posturing and the aggression. All animals do that. But when a dog pack follows an Alpha Dog, they require their leader to have actual experience and intelligence.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I hear what you’re saying, honey. You are absolutely right. Depressingly so. Can we talk about something else? Do you like the new pumpkin-flavored treats I got for you yesterday?
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
And don’t even get me started on Global Warming.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Okay, I won’t.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
We’re all doomed.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
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