Sixteen Candles
by carolynholm
Dear Alpha Mom,
Is this for me?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Yes sweetie! It’s your birthday!
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
So I’m supposed to eat fire on my birthday?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
No, that’s just a human way to celebrate. A candle for each year.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I didn’t think fire was a very good idea.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
We’ll take the candles off and you can eat the little cake. It’s actually dog food. With sprinkles.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
So I notice there are quite a lot of candles here.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Sixteen of them! Because you are sixteen now!
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Is that old?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I’m afraid it is. But you should be proud. You’re hanging in there!
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Hanging in there? I really don’t like the sound of hanging.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
It’s just an expression. You have a few issues but you are doing very well for a dog your age.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I don’t like the sound of issues.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
We all have issues. Just a few more as we get older.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
What are my issues?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
For starters, you have arthritis.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
That’s the stiffness when I wake up?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Yes, I’m afraid so. And you have a bad knee.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
That’s what makes me stumble on the stairs.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Yes, sweetie. Which is why I often carry you on the stairs. There’s also the peeing.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I’m sorry. I know, I pee too often.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
We won’t talk about that now, sweetie.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Thank you. It’s embarrassing. Is that everything in the issues department?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
No, I’m afraid not. You have a heart murmur.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
The heart is a very important part of the body. I’m surprised you waited until now to mention this.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
That’s why you get a pill every evening.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I get a pill? I always spit pills out.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
You do. That’s why it’s inside the peanut butter treat you get every night.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
It figures. What else?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Well, your teeth are getting gross. You have bad breath.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Is that why you make rude remarks when I yawn in your face? About mice?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I’m afraid so. Your breath smells like a mouse died in there.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
What are we doing about it?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Not much, sweetie. I do give you dental kibble. That helps, but for some reason you only chew it on one side. Which probably has something to do with your OCD. So you have one side of your mouth that’s not too bad and one side that is gross.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
I chew on one side of my mouth because that’s the chewing side. The other side is not the chewing side. I shouldn’t have to explain this to you.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
I thought as much. Well, that’s about all we can do. We can’t have your teeth cleaned by the vet any more, because anesthesia isn’t safe at your age.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Why don’t we get my teeth cleaned without anesthesia? I’m sure you could do it.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
You got way too stressed when I tried that. I think you’re forgetting that it involves touching your teeth.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
Oh, no one touches my teeth. My teeth are like my feet. No one is allowed to touch either of them.
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Yes, I’m well aware of that.
Love, Carolyn
Dear Alpha Mom,
So are you going to get rid of these candles so I can eat my birthday food?
Your Best Dog,
Molly
Dearest Molly,
Go to it. Happy Sixteenth Birthday!
Love, Carolyn
A note to our readers…
Molly, Mia, Puffin and Poppy are looking forward to giving you a weekly chuckle! Each week one of them is featured here, and yes, you can get the week’s post conveniently in your email every Friday by scrolling up to the top of this page, entering your email address in the subscription box, and clicking the subscribe button. (If you are reading this in an email, you’ve already subscribed and multiple paws are raised to salute you!)
